As Game of Thrones returns for its 7th and penultimate season next week, everyone's brushing up on their trivia, swapping fan theories and, in the case of an unfortunate few, desperately scrambling to catch up with six seasons of GoT. Of course, you could take a break from life and invest 59 hours in binge watching Game of Thrones seasons 1 to 6 but, realistically, you're not going to make it. We, however, prepared for just such an eventuality, so here's the ultimate Game of Thrones cheat sheet to prepare you for the winter that's inevitably coming.
SYNOPSIS It's summer on the fictional continent of Westeros, where seasons can often last years, but the winds are changing and Winter might be in the air. An uneasy peace prevails between its seven kingdoms, led by the good-guy Starks in the frozen north to scheming Lannisters in the sunny south and held together by King Robert Baratheon. These seven kingdoms were once ruled by the Targaryens—dragon-riding, sibling-marrying silver-haired kings and queens. But after the last one, Aerys the Mad King, lost his mind and dragons to inbreeding and went on a killing spree, the Targaryen dynasty was decimated in Robert's Rebellion. The last remaining Targaryens—Viserys and his sister Daenerys—fled to the continent of Essos across the Narrow Sea, taking with them the last of the dragon magic.
But dark secrets threaten to derail Westeros' tenuous peace and an even greater threat awaits them in the frozen wastes of the North.
GoT Season 1: KEY CHARACTERS Despite the long and complicated histories of each character, there are only a few you really need to remember to make it to Season 2.
King Robert: Head of the Baratheons and Ned Stark's best friend. Responsible for Robert's Rebellion, the war that overthrew the Targaryens, which started because Rhaegar Targaryen, the Mad King's son, kidnapped and supposedly killed Lyanna Stark, Ned's sister and Robert's beau.
Cersei Lannister: Robert's wife who's been engaging in a spot of twincest with her brother Jaime Lannister. Robert and Cersei have three blonde children together, except they're Jaime's. When Robert is about to discover this, Cersei has him killed.
Jaime Lannister: Cersei's brother and lover, and King Robert's sworn bodyguard. Supposedly the best swordsman in the seven kingdoms.
Tyrion Lannister: The youngest Lannister sibling, he's witty, smart and loves his ladies and liquor. His family hates him because his mother died in childbirth and they hold him responsible. Also, he's a dwarf and the Westerosi are terribly judgmental.
Tywin Lannister: The cold-hearted patriarch of the Lannisters, he's rich and scheming and bankrolling the kingdom. He also hates his son Tyrion.
Joffrey Lannister: King Robert's oldest son and heir to the Iron Throne, and a right little monster. His inheritance is threatened by Ned Stark discovering he's actually Cersei and Jaime's son, but he's also betrothed to Ned's daughter Sansa.
Petyr Baelish: The realm's Master of Coin is a scheming, politicking kingmaker and has his sticky hands in more pies than we can count. His secret machinations are setting the scene for important things to come.
Varys: The spymaster of the kingdom is Baelish's archrival and the keeper of secrets untold. Very little happens in the seven kingdoms without Varys knowing about it, and his network of spies has earned him the moniker “the spider”.
Ned Stark: Warden of the North and most stand-up guy in Game of Thrones. Married to Catelyn Stark, with five children and one bastard son out of wedlock.
Robb Stark: Ned and Catelyn's oldest son, who will declare himself King of the North and lead the War of the Five Kings after Robert's death.
Sansa Stark: Ned's oldest daughter, pretty but vain, who's to be married to Joffrey.
Arya Stark: The youngest Stark girl, a little firebrand who prefers swords and breeches to needlework.
Bran Stark: The second youngest Stark who gets thrown off a tower when he accidentally spies Jaime and Cersei having sex. Is now paralysed waist down for the rest of the series.
Jon Snow: Ned's supposed bastard son, though he's never told anyone who Jon's mother is. A capable young man, he chooses to leave his home in Winterfell to join the Night's Watch on the Wall, the celibate guards who protect the kingdom from whatever lies beyond the Wall.
Daenerys Targaryen: The last Targaryen princess, Dany and her brother were smuggled across the Narrow Sea to Essos while the rest of the Targaryens were being hunted down. Her brother sells her to Khal Drogo, the leader of the Dothraki, and she's given three dragon eggs as a wedding gift.
Viserys Targaryen: Dany's brother, who believes he's the rightful heir to the Iron Throne and the Targaryen to bring back the dynasty. He hopes the Dothraki will give him an army in exchange for his sister. He's also craven, whiny, and to put it politely, completely crazy.
Khal Drogo: The leader of the Dothraki, a warring, horse riding people who live on the grassy plains of Vaes Dothrak. Though he takes Dany as a trophy wife, he grows to love her and respect her innate wisdom. It does not end well.
The White Walkers: No one knows who they are, yet, but these blue-eyed monsters are growing in number and have the ability to turn the dead into ice zombies… and they're coming for the rest of Westeros.
The GoT Cheat Watch Guide If you must fast forward through the show, here's what you need to watch and which bits you can skip.
Watch Episode 1 because it sets the tone and establishes characters for the next three seasons of Game of Thrones. Meet the White Walkers, who slaughter a retinue of soldiers from Winterfell, leaving one survivor to tell the tale. Meet good-guy Ned Stark, a king who believes in honesty and duty above all else. King Robert Baratheon comes to Winterfell to meet Ned, and propose marriage between his son Joffrey and Ned's daughter Sansa. Ned's young son Bran witnesses Cersei, Robert's wife, having sex with her twin brother Jaime Lannister, who promptly throws his off the high tower to his near-death. Across the sea, Viserys Targaryen, heir to the Targaryen dynasty, sells his sister Daenerys to Dothraki warlord Khal Drogo, in exchange for an army.
Episode 2: Skim very briefly through this to see Ned Stark go to King's Landing to become “Hand of the King” and Jon Snow join the Night's Watch, the guards who man the 700-ft high wall of ice that protects Westeros from the frozen northern wastes.
Episode 3, 4, 5: Don't bother watching these. All you need to know is that Daenerys is pregnant and Bran is crippled for life.
Episode 6: Skip all except the part where Khal Drogo empties a pot of molten gold on Viserys' head when he tires of his whining. Dany: 1, Viserys: Game over.
Episode 7 and 8: King Robert dies and Ned discovers Cersei's infidelity, realising that her kids are not Robert's heirs—the truth that will eventually plunge Westeros into chaos. Ned is taken prisoner and the Lannisters begin killing all who are loyal to the Starks, and Arya escapes narrowly.
Episode 9: A taut episode where the tension ratchets up slowly, leading to the massively shocking moment of Ned Stark's death. This one will stay with you long after the season is over.
Episode 10: Skip to the last fifteen minutes, to the witch's betrayal, where Dany is forced to kill a catatonic Khal Drogo herself. The season ends on a nail biter, as Daenerys steps into her husband's funeral pyre, only to emerge unscathed, and with three newly-hatched dragons.
GoT Season 1: NOTABLE DEATHS
The one thing you learn very quickly on Game of Thrones is if you love a character let them go. If not, George RR Martin will; the man takes no prisoners.
King Robert: Death by wife, made to look like a hunting accident.
Ned Stark: The most honest guy in Game of Thrones loses his head when he gets too close to the truth and is declared a traitor, thanks to Joffrey who then puts his head on a spike. Nice guys finish first, it seems.
Viserys Targaryen: Dany's brother's incessant whining earns him a face-full of gold from Khal Drogo.
Khal Drogo: Though it was Daenerys that practised a bit of euthanasia on him, the Dothraki warlord was really killed by a scheming witch, and, an infection?
GoT Season 1: QUOTABLE QUOTE
Ned Stark: “Winter is coming.”
Looking forward to Game of Thrones Season 7? Check into our Game of Thrones series every day this week for a look at all the previous seasons: summaries, best episodes, best deaths (of course) and more.
