Mini-Review: Miracle ☆ Train
My reaction, upon watching the first episode, was: this is the dumbest thing I have watched in a long time, and that includes the time I spent watching Kamen no Maid Guy.
The premise: A train that presents itself only to young women in trouble, the Miracle Train and its six (handsome) personifications of the major stations on the Oedo train line will help passengers solve their problems.
Sounds like a nice, light show, right? Something light and episodic is all I’m expecting. So at first, I’m not surprised: they stations are all cute and charming, from leader Tocho (terminal station which has a lot of government offices) being reserved, rules-loving and glasses wearing…
…to Shinjuku being a flirt and having a more loose, modern appearance
But what I wasn’t prepared for is how incredibly dull the problems they’re solving are. A girl loses her dog but her real problem is that she’s too shy to talk to classmates. A woman contemplates whether she should take an overseas job. A girl hates trains because her parents are obsessed with them.
I’m not saying I expected (or wanted) something horrific, but maybe something a bit deeper than “I don’t know how to tell my crush I like him” (episode 5).
Sprinkled throughout are bits of train/station trivia. My opinion didn’t change until episode 7, which is like 4 episodes longer than I would normally recommend watching something that seems dull (I figure 3 episodes, max, should make a decision).
There are hints of something deeper, addressing the questions I had. In episode 3 it’s plainly stated: once on the Miracle Train, passengers can’t leave until their problem is solved. If they try, they just end up walking back into the train car. That’s…horrifying.
And in episode 7, they start questioning what’s going on! Why do the stations exist as beings in the first place? Why the Miracle Train? How does all this work? So I though, hey, finally we’re getting some depth!
The more interesting parts of the series are the why. Why do the stations have form at all? (Beyond the 6 main ones we meet, we meet a handful of other, minor stations, so it’s a safe assumption that all stations have some sort of form.) Where did the Miracle Train come from and why? What’s its purpose? What kind of magical powers do the stations have? Why is the conductor suspicious as fuck? Why does he wear a mask? Why is there a minor station in episode 8 that has children of his own and HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE????
And because the show seems aware of these questions, it tricks you! It makes you think you’ll get answers before the end!
YOU DO NOT
The final two episodes seem like they’re going to address all the questions that have built up! And then! They don’t!!! They “solve” one problem and everyone is like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ let’s continue solving extremely minor problems for women
Shinjuku: It’s not clear how we became people, either.
Shiodome: You don’t know?
Shinjuku: Are you saying you know?
Shiodome: Uh?…Ah! We’re station fairies!
this exchange is never follow up upon. ever. we don’t know if the station personifications are created by an outside force or just spontaneously come into being as their station is being built and I am so angry
Also, I feel the need to note that it started life as a webcomic and novel, which are still up (x) (if you can read Japanese; Google Translate is not much help) but also appear to be updated? Huh.
Verdict
English dub? No
Visuals: Nice, exactly what you’d expect from a series about a group of handsome, gentle men (or male-appearing entities): distinct character designs, all in their late teens/early twenties.
Worth watching? Absolutely not. You get flashes of potential–the girl who is upset that she’s literally trapped on the train until her problem is solved, like finally we recognize there’s an element of horror, the entire concept that stations can manifest? And they can summon, like, entire grills for cooking and board games on the train, and just hang out with each other when they’re not helping women? It could’ve been fun! But it has all the depth of a paper plate and doesn’t actually follow up on anything interesting.
And I’m STILL angry because if it had just stuck to ignoring the questions, it could’ve been OK. But it introduced all these questions and acknowledged them and then completely failed to answer them and that’s just. bad storytelling.
Where to watch (USA, as of April 2020): Crunchyroll
Images come from the Miracle☆Train Wiki
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